I spontaneously decided to look back through my journal this past Sunday.
I don’t do this often, but every once in a while, it’s always encouraging to see how much God has done and how He has answered my prayers in desired and unexpected ways.
As I scanned the worn, filled pages of scriptures, thoughts, prayers, quotes, and poems, my eyes paused at this particular quote that I copied into my journal exactly a year ago.
March 7, 2009:
“But, if the discontent with your present situation is deep, recurrent, and lasting, and if that discontent grows in Bible-saturated soil, God may be calling you to a new work. God may indeed be loosening your roots in order to transplant you to a place and a ministry where the deep spiritual ambitions of your soul can be satisfied.”
– John Piper, “Don’t Waste Your Life”
Last March, I had a wonderful, first “out-of-college” job, lived at home, had a 1 mile commute to my office, participated in a great local church and Bible study, enjoyed the pleasures of the smooth American life, and drove around in a beat-up Volvo 240 station wagon that did the job.
Yet, in my heart, I remember wrestling with this strange sense of discontentment. Not the kind that was producing an ungodly grumbling. But, the kind that was making me restless – longing – ancy for seeing God in a bigger way than I had seen Him for 23 years in Gaithersburg, MD.
And, here I am, a year later – living in KENYA. He certainly loosed my roots, and transplanted me to a place FAR away from Gaithersburg!
But, when I consider the question, “Has God brought me to a place where the deepest spiritual ambitions of my soul are being satisfied?” the answer is a resounding YES.
Sure, there have been sacrifices. Haven’t seen my family in almost 7 months. Haven’t driven a car this whole time. Haven’t talked to friends by phone except one or two. No income. No shrimp. No watching little Kate grow up. Missed the holidays with my family and friends. Haven’t been able to enjoy a simple cup of coffee with my Mom in person like we always did. Haven’t really had much time to myself or for personal hobbies, with 17 daughters to guide and care for, and many other daily responsibilities outside the dorm.
But, how can I complain? My deep spiritual ambitions HAVE and ARE being fulfilled. Pouring into younger girls’ lives; helping support local Kenyans who have no clue how rich Americans truly are; witnessing the local love shown in my poor, mountain town called Kijabe; befriending Florence in the private clinic at the hospital; helping Emily build her kitchen; distributing clothing and food to local members of our AIC Kijabe church; visiting orphanages; cheering my girls on in their schoolwork, sports, spiritual and social lives; developing friendships with other RVA staff that will surely last a lifetime; realizing the immense expanse of God’s grace in the way He draws a collage of Christians together to serve missionaries and MK’s alongside one another…the list goes on and on.
And, boy, has time flown! As of March 2, I will be home in exactly 5 months (Aug 2).
Last night, a friend here – Cassie – and I were talking about 2 Peter 3:
“With the Lord, one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you…[so] what sort of people ought you to be in lives of holiness and godliness, waiting for and hastening the coming of the day of God?”
I’m so glad God has a much more magnificent perspective on Time then I do. I wanted to move to Africa for 3 years before it actually happened! And, I’m so glad that the Lord fulfilled His promise to answer this desire of my heart in HIS good time. It taught me trust, patience, persistence in prayer, and hope.
And, now, I think I have finally begun to learn the secret of living each day FULLY to the glory of God and with complete focus on the present. Sure, I look to the future. We all do. We are beings created to desire, and hope, and wonder…
But, I guess all I am really trying to say is don’t waste your life. Each day. Each moment.
If God is stirring a healthy discontent in your heart about something, let Him slowly shake up those roots of your heart and your comfort zone…because, even though it’s scary at times, and makes you feel like you’ve lost control, going along for the wild ride is just that – WILD. But, if He has you in a particular spot, and wants you to just “be” in that spot, then relax, rest in His sovereign plan, and realize the potential of the good works He has prepared in advance for you to do right NOW.
I’m so glad I hopped on that plane last August 14.
And, I’ll be even more glad when I get to hop OFF the plane this August 2.
But, meanwhile, I’m still here. And, as I look outside my bedroom window tonight to see the pitch black night sky of Africa, with the countless number of bright stars shining in the sky, I know it’s a GOOD thing.